Bad Bromance

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Tonight I'm adding comics to my repertoire. This one stars the Scout and the Pyro from Team Fortress 2 and was made using Gary's Mod. Depending on how people react (specifically Valve's legal representation) there will likely be more of these comics on the horizon. Some people might think it would be simpler just to draw a comic than to haphazardly position rag dolls in odd positions. These people would also be mistaking me for someone with talent.

Speaking of someone who is commonly mistaken for being talented, how about that Lady Gaga? As I've reported earlier, I've heard Lady Gaga's new album "Original Pastiche" and her new hit single "Eyeroller" are getting great reviews. I'll be interested to watch her career arc, especially since there's never been a blonde pop star who sings songs about love and relationships before. I'm sorry, but when I look at Lady Gaga all I can think is that she is the result of a night of drunken revelry between GG Allin and the Disney Channel.

He’s the kind of guy whose truck you could have a beer with

Did you guys know that if you have a blog you can give lots of people your unsolicited opinions about politics? It’s true! Well, I guess if it’s my blog it’s only a handful of people but maybe if someone searches for a way to play Zork online they’ll end up here by mistake.

A lot of people are talking about Scott Brown’s senate race victory. Leftists are melodramatically bemoaning the death of health care reform while gnashing their teeth, beating their chests, and probably not getting that biblical reference because they’re all godless heathens. Republicans on the other hand are breaking out the cocaine rimmed martini glasses and wondering if a celebratory blow job from their favorite male page isn’t in order. Most people are probably just snuffing out a few brain cells watching Jersey Shore. Regardless, the level of shock from both the left and the right over these results is flabbergasting. This shock seems to be coming in two flavors: blind presumption and cynical agenda strengthening. Let’s try and be honest; even though Massachusetts is Bluer than Smurf soup and the seat up for grabs was Ted Kennedy’s, by election night the walls were absolutely covered in script.

Martha Coakley is a moderate Democrat whose performance as MA Attorney General was passable at best. She is also the moron who most famously couldn't tell the difference between a bomb and a Mooninite Lite Brite. She has the charisma of the worst player on a high school chess team, and her awkwardness came off as disdain. The Democratic party did almost nothing to back her until the very last second, displaying an arrogance and lack of touch that they've worked tirelessly to make the hallmarks of their public image, second only to the efforts of Fox News.

Brown is a "moderate" Republican whose performance as a MA state senator didn't make too many old people angry. He is gushing with down home, folksy charisma that is oh so chic thanks to Palin et al. Let's not forget he's also "silver fox/once nude in Cosmo sexy," and he owns a truck! The Republican party rallied behind him, he got his very own Tea Party from the cranky white people who like Glenn Beck so much, his wife is a local news anchor, and one of his daughters is a terrible enough singer to make it to the semis on American Idol... dude had EXPOSURE. And not even the exposure he should have had for being a homophobic, sexist tool. And he owns a truck!

When you strip back the candidates themselves you get into the sullied business of party loyalties and "deeper" meanings. Republicans are unswerving and lock step when it comes to voting, whether it's in a booth or Congress. They are as good at sticking together as they are at hypocritically playing the victim card and making bad decisions for the nation just to score points. Democrats on the other hand are more likely to do what they think is best and are gullible enough to continue believing in bipartisanship despite the current political climate. So when 22% of Democrats voted for Brown versus 1% of Republicans who voted for Coakley I can barely find the energy to sarcastically feign shock.

Beyond that, this election was framed by the media as another referendum on Obama and his policies. I swear, no man has ever had to run in so many elections in so little a time. Coakley basically became a symbol for "So what do you think about national health care?," which MA citizens could care fuck all less about from a benefits point of view but care a whole lot about it when it comes to taxes. Whereas Brown became a symbol for "Are you unsatisfied with what Obama has done to our economy/society?," an ironic framing considering that Brown stands for the same economic conservatism that killed the economy in the first place and the social conservatism that makes America a hostile place for anyone outside the country club set. It will truly be a glorious day when people's brains evolve enough to contain memories of failed policy. Also, did you see his truck?

In the end the result is so obvious, it is down right silly that this election is being portrayed as an upset. Republicans always vote down party lines, Democrats don't, and Independents are generally so simple minded and impressionable that they simply imprint on the first candidate they see when they open their eyes. From one angle this is a good thing. This is a high alert bulletin for Democrats, especially progressive Democrats. It's time for you to stop pandering to the lowest common denominator, clearly differentiate yourself from your opponents, take a firm stand, and ovary and sack the FUCK up. Otherwise, the change you can believe in will be of the same type seen in this election, but instead of Massachusetts it'll be the White House.

Don't be surprised when everyone begins muttering about Brown/Palin 2012.

Oh, and to the citizens of Massachusetts, you have all been swayed into voting for someone because he owns a truck. Congratulations, you're as dumb as the rest of us now. Pray it goes no further than this.

na na na na na na, MA Senator is a Centerfold

Live blog of my impressions from Avatar in IMAX 3D... posted 16 or so hours later. SPOILER CODE RED!

This is my live blog of the movie Avatar. I'm here to see it in IMAX 3D in order to fully give this movie a chance (a home court advantage if you will) and I'm live blogging to address the mythos this movie has created around itself as "revolutionary." Also to annoy the people around me.

10:30 pm: 5 minutes before start of Avatar and I've already heard my first racial slur. This movie is going to be awesome! ;D

(Next day note: The person who uttered it sat behind us and was commenting on how upscale the snack bar was as he said, "They even have fresh baked kikes!" This was followed by some awkward stuttering then finally, "I mean they have fresh baked cakes and pies." The slip was accidental, yet hilariously Freudian. Sean's and my muffled laughter displayed how we are at the height of maturity.)

10:38: Disappointed by Alice and Wonderland trailer. Only 2 3d gags? Tim Burton, you owe us more than that.

10:40: IMAX has convinced me to think big

10:43: protagonist's name is sunshine

(Next Day Note: His name is actually Jake Sully, but fuck that, his name is Sunshine.)

10:46: Movie claims that the economy is still bad, Obama to blame?

10:50: see first naked blue cat person, not aroused. James Cameron has failed me.
Sunshine is doing science

10:52: holy shit! The 3d subtitles seem so real!

10:54: we're here for "unobtainium"

(Next day note: Idea for DVD extended edition: After uttering the word "unobtainium," the whole room bursts into uncontrollable laughter. Wiping tears from their eyes, someone says, "What? We already harvest all the "space oil"?)

11:00. Inspirational avatar scene about running reminds me to work out tomorrow

11:01: hey it's the sassy lady from resident evil
colonial scar turtle is sufficiently stereotypical

11:05 I recognize helicopter things from Terminator. Same continuity?

11:08 plants are pretty

11:12: action sequence is so blurry I think I need glasses for my 3d glasses
how did sunshine know that was flammable?

11:17: blue cat lady kills space hyenas, now I'm aroused.

11:22: glowing jelly fish seeds eat sunshine, movie continues anyway
haha sunshine fell, hilarious!
Only took 45 minutes for Native American style whoops, movie shows admirable restraint

11:28: training time! Cue montage and eye of the tiger

11:30. Notice all the racist words wormy business guy is using? That's how you know he's an evil capitalist.

(Next day note: Seriously, this guy all but pulls out a "Free Trade, Malevolence, & You" phrase book and just goes wild. He stops just short of mentioning Manifest Destiny, but the viewer gets the idea. He would be hate worthy if he weren't such an obvious strawman).

11:36: lulz super altruistic scientists and flux vortex
hey movie, final fantasy wants its mountains back

11:43: prediction: sunshine will no longer see this as tree hugger crap, will use failed leaf falling technique to save hot blue lady

11:54: sunshine tames kite dragon, level up

11:56: oh no! Feral hot rod kite dragon!

11:58: prediction: sunshine will ride hot rod kite dragon, Sean predicts the planet will hit an iceburg

12:00 am: colonial scar turtle keeps empty promise for dastardly double agent deeds, threatens world tree, seems really disappointed that he can't shoot it from here

12:05: predictable, obligatory love scene leaves me super aroused

Breakfast metaphorically linked to man's expansionist evil?

12:09: Scene where video is scaled up, enhanced at 1.5 hr in, movie shows incredible restraint!

12:12: damn you evil col. scar turtle

12:14: if only the Native Americans had religious beliefs that were scientifically verifiable as opposed to simply "paganistic savagery", wait still doesn't matter to wormy business guy

12:18: tying knots around traitors wrists is a big deal to the navi

12:22: Cynacism doesn't save me from hating the military during falling action

12:29: the end... Wait no

(Next Day Note: In the Rawson Marshall Thurber Director's cut version, the movie ends with all the fiery death and destruction, Sully's name is still, well, sullied, and Colonial Scar Turtle is victorious.)

12:30: security taking a nap, mutiny goes unpunished sometimes?

(Next Day Note: Why is the person who deliberately left the field claiming, "Screw it, I didn't sign up for this" not only allowed to walk around apparently repercussion free but given a chance to get near the prisoners who are her friends and whose point of view she obviously agrees with?)

Scar turtle a terrible shot... Wait

Segourny Weaver is incredibly understanding of alien life forms considering her past experiences.

12:35: sunshine is going to, unironically, take it to the next level! attacks hot rod kite dragon, called it

12:38: huge displays of ultra man hood always make everything ok

(Next Day Note: especially duplicity that leads to one's father's death and the forced exodus of an entire people)

12:43: sad nature matrix fail... Or is it?

12:44: but they cannot take our freeedooom!

12:51: scar turtle death march

1:02: Aiewa HAS heard you, and has responded at the dramatically appropriate time!

(Next Day Note: You know, after enough of your friends have died.)

1:06: over the top awesome is happening detail later

(Next Day Note: Running along giant bombers chucking grenades into their engine intakes, hammer head rhinos, kite dragons, and giant peacock panthers killing many people and robots, and Col. Scar Turtle jumping from an exploding sky turtle/dreadnought in a robot suit. Destruction porn at it's finest! Eat your heart out Michael Bay. Also, Sunshine does use the leaf falling technique to save himself from falling to his death, so I only half called that one).

1:08: why does the giant robot need a knife?

And that's where my log ends. Spoiler alert: good guys win, white guilt fantasy fully realized, James Cameron is shown to be revolutionary when it comes to hyping a movie. Now I'm not saying the movie is bad or good at least not yet. A fuller review must be left for a soon to come update.

I'm all over this like White on a Tea Party protest!

I received an (faux) urgent call from my friend Jeff at 10am today. He wanted my opinion as to whether something he had said was racist. It's my belief that phone calls of this nature only occur between Novo Collegians and Alumni. Anyway, Jeff told me the story as follows. He was with his lab advisor when she asked him to go do science to something that desperately needed science done to it. He firmly stated that he was "on it like white on rice." She then (in my mind) gasped and told Jeff that this phrase is racist. Jeff was caught off guard. He disagreed since he had never heard this before but his advisor stuck to her claim. He went on about his business but was still confused by the seemingly non-sequitur social critique of his idiom.

You see, no one wants to be even remotely considered racist, least of all White people. In fact, I think that in the generally clear field of effective racial slurs against Caucasians the only real stand out epithet is "racist." Call a white person a honky, they'll just laugh and think of geese and the foi grois they'll have for dinner later. Call them a racist on the other hand and be prepared for a spit parade of indignation and the names of all their minority friends. Sweeping generalizations are fun aren't they?

Back to the story, this is where Jeff decides it's a good idea to call me, Captain Aryan, to see if I possessed knowledge of this phrase's possible racist connotation. I told him I had no recollection of the phrase "being on, or sticking to something like white on rice" being racially charged in any way. We discussed possible ways the phrase could be utilized to serve a dark and inflammatory purpose but we both came up blank. We thought that the key might lie in the phrase's origin. Maybe "being/ sticking on something like white on rice" was originally used by plantation owners who referred to particularly attractive female house slaves in code as "rice" so as to make secret bawdy jokes in public? I don't know, White people are always up to crazy, secretive, backwards shit. We both had to get back to work, but I told him I'd look into it when I got the chance. I conferred with the internet for about an hour on the history of the phrase in question and really didn't find that much.

It seems no one knows where it's from. I figure that if its origin were steeped in racial controversy or if there was a closer racial connotation it would be easier to find more information on the phrase. For example, the phrase "to call a spade a spade" is thought by many to be a racial slur since spade can be used as a derogatory term for a Black person and I was able to find a bunch of info on its etymology. Other interpretations of the phrase interpret the spade in question as the playing card suit, a shovel, or even a eunuch (a spayed person). Truth be told, the phrase actually came from a Greek play by Menander, which contains the line, "I call a fig a fig, and a spade a spade" where "spade" means something along the lines of bowl or trough or boat. None of those things are Black people. Again, I'm pretty sure that the reason the phrase "to call a spade a spade" has more info on its origin than "stick to something like white on rice" is that the former phrase has a much clearer racial connotation in the current vernacular. Granted, it could be that history is mostly written by upper class, educated White people and therefore the real secret and dastardly meaning has been covered up, but I feel that conspiracy theory is so contrived and banal that we would need Robert Langdon to investigate it.

To play Devil's Advocate: As with meaning in general, a phrase's racial connotations can change over time. As in the case with "to call a spade a spade," it's origin becomes somewhat irrelevant as society as a whole begins to view the phrase in light of "spade's" 20th century racist connotation. If for some reason the ancient Greek word for bowl or trough or boat happened to be "nigger" then clearly we wouldn't use the phrase "to call a nigger a nigger" since the term is now part of a particularly vile heritage and imbued with about as much disgusting hate as 6 letters can contain. Zeitgeist is a bitch huh?

Here's the thing though, the phrase " being on/ sticking to something like white on rice" is not associated popularly with any sort of racial connotation. The only thing it's got going for it in this vein is that "white" is a term for Caucasians, but it's clear that the phrase purely refers to the color since it doesn't say, "a white on rice" and that the popular societal conception for the color of rice is that it is white. Yes, there are other colors of rice and perhaps there is underlying racism in that society views all rice as white and can't see the veritable rainbow of browns and blacks that rice can come in. But, seriously? Anyone trying to glean negative racial connotations from this phrase using that rationale is is just silly and trying too hard. Saying that "sticking to something like white on rice" is racist due to it's lack of rice-color-spectrum-inclusiveness or any other reason I can think of is like saying the phrase is racist because it includes the word "rice," which invokes an Asian racial stereotype. It seems that in order to interpret the phrase as racist, you would have to twist the connotation of the words within the phrase outside of their meanings or purpose within the phrase. The only way for this phrase to become a racist phrase is for people to continue needlessly attaching such negative meaning to it.

Besides, it seems that the phrase was popularized by Ike Turner in the Ike & Tina song Baby Get It On. Personally I'd say that since Ike Turner said the phrase, it's much more sexist the racist anyway.

On a final note, Jeff has decided to say "being on something like a white on rice" from now on and I fully endorse this course of action. If the phrase is going to be interpreted as racist, best to turn it on a group that has the least slurs against them. It's like Affirmative Action for racism. Besides, I'm white and I personally love rice of all colors.

Sources:

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/like_white_on_rice

http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/27/messages/299.html

http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/27/messages/297.html

http://www.randomhouse.com/wotd/index.pperl?date=19970115

http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/8/messages/1361.html

http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/22/messages/199.html

PS: I promise to start blogging again! We all pretty much know this is a lie!

A chance meeting thanks to comics and booze.

First, I promise I haven’t forgotten my poor, overgrown, rust ridden blog. I’ve neglected it because lately I’ve been working on my stand-up. Since I’ve recently been neglecting that, I have a new blog post. Surprise, surprise. I need to find a way to multi-task so that I can work on both becoming a great writer and hilarious stand-up comic at the same time. I’ve got it! I’ll become an alcoholic. Done and done.

While perusing comics, and then later beers, I ran into a very cool indie comic auteur named Chandra Free. She told me about her work and regaled me with an amusing anecdote where she hijacked Zachary Quinto's comic panel at a convention. After she piqued my interest I later went to her website, the one I have linked here, and have to say I am impressed.

Along with a fairly stunning gallery of her works (specific nerd props for the Venture Bros section and the chibi, whiskey swilling Iron-Man), she has posted an 8-page preview of her soon (hopefully) to be published opus The God Machine on her website. The story revolves around a boy named Guy Salvatore, whose name conjures images of trench coats and "good cities gone bad." He is not however a film noir style detective (at least not yet), instead he is a teen who is depressed over the loss of his girlfriend Sith, which I assume is her name and not an indication of which side of the Force she chose. Coinciding with his loss and depression he's been witnessing an increasing number of reality-challenging oddities. Either this means his depression is presenting with psychotic features or something else is going down. Whether it's psychosis or an ethereal realm reaching out to make a connection, Guy is along for the ride whether he likes it or not. I could tell you more about the plot, but you should really just check it out for yourselves.

From what I can tell, TGM is fairly reminiscent in style and tone of seminal goth comics author (though he would likely balk at that description) Jhonen Vasquez, what with its lithe, angular main character and sardonic surrealist trappings. These trappings include a maniacal goth-children's show puppet urging the audience to commit suicide and tiny stream of consciousness 4th wall breaking asides like a dropped tooth brush exclaiming, "I'm free! =)"

That being said I can tell, mostly because Chandra told me, that there is a lot more story going on in TGM than this initial offering displays. Much like if you were to take a sumptuous banquet with myriad foreign delights, hide it behind a curtain, and then tempt a potential dinner guest with a tiny shrimp cocktail. Certainly the joys of consuming shrimp are familiar, if perhaps infrequent, so partaking is a reassurance. Appetite whet, one might begin to wonder what that delicious aroma coming from behind the curtain might be. Apologies to my friends who keep Vedge. Depending on how TGM turns out, which I hope will be well, it its possible that one day we might be referring to Jhonen Vasquez as a proto-Chandra Free.

I highly encourage taking some time and visiting Chandra’s site and preordering The God Machine preview. Even if the goth-style thing isn’t your bag, what’s the worst that could happen? You could support a talented and very nice person? You might discover the super sexy world of indie comics? You could possibly enjoy something in your life? Heaven forbid you should ever do that! We all know that enjoying anything is a sin and you should be ashamed for even entertaining the notion. Sinner.

In other news, I am working on a new short story for the ole’ Textbasedadvent here. It’s a comedic/political satire/horror story set in a not to distant future. I’m pretty excited about it so I’ll give everyone a quick preview:

“The...”

Riveting, no?

My response to an article concerning a book I haven't read, but might have to now.

Here's an interesting article from Newsweek's website on Lise Eliot's new book: Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow Into Troublesome Gaps—And What We Can Do About It

Link here:http://www.newsweek.com/id/214834?from=rss

As usual my mind fell down the rabbit hole on this one and in an attempt to organize my thoughts I accidentally wrote a new post. I warn you, I make references to articles I don't cite and haven't read in years which I suppose is better than most of wikipedia and cable news. I also use the word "which" a lot. I think my idiosyncrasies are showing. Serves me right for dressing like a hussy. Anyway, on to the tangled mess of my thoughts.

I remember reading an article that found the anterior commissure is somewhat larger in women than men, but that this same difference is also seen in homosexual men when compared to heterosexual men. This article discussed a number of similarities between homosexual men’s and heterosexual women's brains when compared to heterosexual men’s brains. If parents' subconscious gender stereotypes effect how they treat their kids and subsequently effect how their children's brains develop then why would there be cross gender similarities when homosexual men are brought in to the mix? One could make the argument that parents shift how they treat their children in regard to stereotypes if parents suspect their kids might be or know their kids are homosexual. I feel Martha McClintock shoots that theory down with the results of her study concerning how most people begin forming true sexual gender preferences during adrenarche, which doesn’t really occur till around the ages of 7 to 10 and is far past the infancy stage which Eliot seems to argue is the time parents are effecting these changes in their offspring via stereotyped upbringing (for lack of a better term). Also, when similar comparisons of brain structures were made including homosexual women it was found that homosexual women’s brain structures were not similar to heterosexual men, but in fact even more developed in a prototypically heterosexual female fashion. I'm not sure to what degree this information (which is neither properly cited or adequately described, I know, bad poser academic, bad!) deflates Eliot's argument, which isn’t my intention necessarily, but it’s food for thought.

I think an interesting aspect of this kind of research debate is the "give and take" effect it has on how people view gender and sexuality. On one hand, we have the argument that a slew of gender differences are caused by how both parents and society treat and view children from a very young age based off of gender stereotypes, which I think is likely true to a large degree. A part of this argument is that the effects of a stereotyped upbringing include neurological effects, again not hard to believe. However, this argument seems to indirectly detract from other research that finds neurological similarities (some argued to be caused through a stereotyped upbringing) between homosexual men and heterosexual women which use these findings to argue that there is a biological basis for homosexuality (ie it isn’t just some fucking choice... no pun intended, or that society makes someone gay). It seems the results of both studies can be turned over and against the other vice versa, ad infintum. As discussed above, it seems hard to reconcile these findings. We seem to have a situation where research attempting to dispel gender difference myths is butting heads (however accidentally and silently) with research trying to dispel sexuality preference myths. How much do we take from column A versus column B? So Sophie, which kid do we chose?

Perhaps the solution is at once simpler and more complicated: we still don’t know the extents to which nature and nurture effect us all and more research is, as always, required. One possible likelihood is that the myraid of ways nature and nurture combine to twist us into who we all are or will become might be different for each and everyone of us, that there is no exact formula that illustrates how much one effects us versus another, and that the attempts to generalize assumptions and results from studies and to form studies of this nature will always be haunted by specters of the gray area (which is located next to the Phantom Zone). Not that I feel Eliot is trying to assert that stereotyped upbringing is responsible for everything. In fact I think what she’s doing is calling us to reexamine the literature and our own assumptions on gender, and subsequently (at least for me), sexuality preference stereotypes and studies. The assertion that gender differences in behavior and neurological makeup might be more related to parents' unconsciously reinforcing gender stereotypes is certainly compelling, though I still think the true extent of the effect is still unknown.

If anyone knows which articles I’m referring to in the up there in the first paragraph would you be so kind as to pass them my way again. I hate not being able to cite articles I bring up.

Mental Detritus: On Human-Centipedes

This year's UK based Film4 Frightfest is showing a film called The Human Centipede: First Sequence, which is about a deranged surgeon with a dream for the future of mankind that entails removing knee caps and connecting people ass to mouth to form a centipede like abomination. I think speak for everyone when I ask, "What...the... fuck?"

Great, now my idea to make to make a horror movie reinterpretation of Hands Across America where people's palms are stitched together (tentatively tittled: Chained Across DOOMerica) just seems derivative. Although, if you mixed the two premises you'd have one hell of a nightmare scenario... I should tell Robit-bot to get Tom Six on the line.

Also, this is yet another reason why Senator Brownback's Anti-Centaur Act is simply a waste of time. If you won't let people make human-animal hybrids through genetics then apparently someone will think of a way to do it through needlework. The future is now Brownback and it is much more horrifying than you can imagine.